Cycle complete!
So far on the blog Ive shared with you many stories, many incidents that will live long in my memory. And it is true Ive had some good moments, but interspersed have been times of doubting about whether I can actually finish this cycle or not. Ive often glossed over this to show you the "happy" side of the journey. But only 3 days ago my mind was engaged in one of its toughest mental battles I had ever experienced.
I arrived back in Nong Khai 5 days ago to continue my cycle after 2 weeks off back in Ireland. Melissa was exactly where I had left her, (tied to a metal washing line at the back of a western guesthouse.) I pumped up the tyres, oiled her chain, put on the bags, and off I rolled again. In addition I had brought a new gel saddle from Ireland to alleviate the pain in my rear end. Off I went into the thai sun and life was good. The legs were fresh, I was in a good mood to get going again, and all was as I had left it. Fast forward to that afternoon and it was a different story. My legs were shattered and my brow had been sweating perpetually since I'd started. I found a cheap hotel and enjoyed a goods night rest. It would be better in the morning, but it wasnt. The next day I was only 30km down the road when I broke. I pulled in to a bench just off the road, lay down and shed several tears. My legs were in bits and my rear-end was in absoloute agony. Worst of all though was how much I missed home. It was the first time that it had hit me, since coming back, that I wouldnt see many friends and family for a further 7 months. I felt like I couldnt go on. I wanted to quit and I wanted to go home. So many thoughts were racing through my head of whether to quit fully or not. To escape it I turned to my music. First thing that comes to mind when Im in a melancholic mood is to play Coldplays famous song - "The Scientist". Its not a song I had played in a long time but as it was playing some of the lyrics hit me again. They go like this, "Nobody said it was easy No-one ever said it would be this hard." No more did those lyrics ring true for me than at that moment on that bench. The fact I was hearing someone else feeling exactly as I felt in that moment was such a boost to my spirits. I know its cheesy but it was true. So true. After repeating the song 3 times and listening to a few more songs, I put my brain to work. I asked myself, What would it mean for me if I gave up now? Thoughts flew into my mind so quickly about the pros and cons of giving up the cycle. Highest among my list of cons was "I'd forever regret it." I would. I really would never forgive myself if I gave up at this stage. I have this one fantastic opportunity in my life to do this, and its now. And while im (reasonably) fit, I must TRY to achieve it and more importantly, enjoy it. 10 minutes later, and after a bit of food I hopped back on the bike, sore as I was, and pedalled on west. Ireland and Cork may be a long way away but I'm going to enjoy the here and now and in a few days I'll get through this mental battle that Ive found myself in. 3 days and 300km later and it has got easier. The legs are a bit stronger, the rear end a bit tougher and the mind more focused on the miles that lie ahead. Ive no doubt that I'll have many more challenges, both mental and physical ahead of me, but as another famous song goes "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
7 Comments
PG
1/13/2016 13:00:04
Keep going boi! At least to Iran anyway...I want my hol! Good on ya for sharing the lows with us too.
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Alex
1/13/2016 15:39:29
Good man Dan. We're rooting for you. I reckon you'll have more chats with yourself like that and hopefully come to the same conclusion time and time again. Keep trusting in the Lord's strength and who knows what opportunities he'll give you to share his glory.
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Amelia
1/13/2016 16:21:15
Thanks for sharing the real. I can only imagine. Blessings, Romans 15:13. :)
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Abigail
1/13/2016 22:18:24
We're all cheering for you Dan - I don't know how many people I've told about you and what you're doing - it's no small thing and there aren't many who would/could do it😊 God is with you and knows every inch of the road in front and behind...keep pedalling!! 👍🏻👍🏻
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Janet
1/13/2016 22:54:07
Dan, thank you for sharing those tough thoughts and I'm sure what you shared was only a tiny part of what was really going on in your head, but do remember right through your journey, He that is in you is GREATER than he that is in the world 😃 keep cycling 🚲
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alice
1/14/2016 22:49:48
praying for you every day psalm 121 x
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1/23/2016 22:01:10
Thanks for sharing the big struggle, not easy to admit. Will remember you in prayer and may you grow in your walk (or cycle) with God in experience and trust.
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The AuthorName: Daniel Ross Top Tips:
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